"The Soul of a Horse"

Still sad... still grieving. still missing my boy.. It's hit me hard, an ache that hurts deeply. It's been a rough week. Trying to get through the days at work, staying busy with other responsibilities,playing with the dogs in the hope it will bring even the slightest break from the sadness. I am thankful for the "busi-ness" of life that has kept me going inspite of the loss. The other horses still need me , the  chores still need to be done. The other horses were affected as well but none more than JB. He continues to call for him, although it's lessening with every day that passes. We let JB see Rebel in the trailer after if was done and over and before we buried him. We hoped it would help JB to  understand. It breaks my heart to see JB so lost and obviously mourning for his friend. There have been many quiet moments with JB crying into his mane  , hoping somehow , we can provide each other some type of comfort.  I have run through the gamut of emotions from knowing I made the right choice given the circumstances to "did "I make the wrong decision?", "should I have done more, bought him more time?"

But in the end it doesn't matter,it's over and done with. I know we made the best decision we could given the situation.  Rebel will always be with me in my heart. We are coping, and getting on as best as we can. We will all be ok.. in time.. just need more time.  Otto makes me laugh and I am thankful for that blessing.

I ran across Joe Camp's blog  several months ago. His blog is about wild horses, horsemanship , the human/horse relationship but it's  mostly about his horse Cash. The man has written several books.

Sadly, Joe lost Cash this fall and he wrote this post about it.  It was so eloquently written that I wanted to share.  It echoes so much of what I have experienced losing my beloved Rebel .
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Update! *** I was looking for this post and finally found it! 

In honor of remembering some of the good times that are logged here on this blog (although not many since Rebel was mostly retired by the time I started this blog)

"While my good conscious told me to just go out for a short break to pet on a couple of horses , my bad conscious won out and I grabbed for a halter, caught up Rebel and climbed on bareback. My heart jumped with joy and I headed out along the pasture fence line for a trot around. As I rode along, Brego , Cass and Roman followed up behind like a parade wondering where we were going but not wanting to be left out. Just my luck, I happened upon some fairly deep drifts out in the arena and couldn’t resist. Rebel willingly responded to my suggestion for a little more speed as we bounded through the drift, the snow sent flying, glistening in the sunlight and biting at my cheeks as it danced and sparkled all around me.

 The other horses seemed to sense the new energy in the air and decided to make their own game of it as they ran around the pasture racing each other through the snow , jumping through the drifts. It almost seemed they were relieved for some excitement to arrive after being hunkered down with bad weather for the last several days.

There is nothing like bounding through a snow drift on a horse, and just for a moment I remembered what it felt like to be a child again, uninhibited exuberance to be riding bareback , invigorated by the cold air on my face and warmth of my horses neck against my hands, leaving me with a smile on my face for the rest of the day".